I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you just send me my own nude
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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