There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
