I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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