you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
