I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
