I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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