he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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