I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
