It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
