After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
