She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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