my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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