thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
