I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
