how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
