i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
