I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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