he puts the penis in happiness.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
