This is not my ceiling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
