He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
