Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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