i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
