If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
