Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
