my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
