Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
