come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
