Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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