he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
