So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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