so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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