Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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