Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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