OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
