but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
