Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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