We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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