So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
