i don't like sucking hair
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
