While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
