Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
