have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
