my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
