The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
