there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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