Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
