Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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