I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
