I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
