Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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