The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
