Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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