This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
