I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
