i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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